Monday, November 30, 2009

MU SHU PORK!!

I am feeling particularly Bitchy today so, in that spirit, here’s a list of 5 Random things that Piss me off:

1. Too much noise in the morning: I suck ass at getting up even remotely close to the time required to make it to work at the hour they seem to think I should be at my desk. To help combat this problem I have 3 alarms that go off. This morning I had those 3 alarms PLUS a handy wake up call from my husband (he manages to get up and out of the house by 5 am). So this morning the phone is ringing, the beep beep alarm is beeping the two clock radios are battling it out to be louder as they pump out some horrendous “rock” tune, one cat is howling, one cat is mewing, and a dog is whining. The only thing that could possibly have added to the noise level in my bedroom at 7 am was some asshole with a bullhorn screaming at me.
Did I wake up? Yes. Am I happy about it? No. Was I still really late for work? Absolutely.

2. GE Appliances requiring Water or Cold. When we moved into our house it had no appliances and we were lucky enough to have some wiggle room to get all new appliances. We researched appliances and decided based on ratings, repair rates, and consumer reports that we would purchase ALL GE appliances. Our Stove, Oven, Microwave and Dryer work perfectly fine, some of them even work remarkably well. Everything else though, sucks ass. The washing machine was repaired once on warranty and now that it’s off it bangs like a son of a bitch. The dishwasher has been repaired twice and since it is also off warranty the water leaking problem goes unresolved. And today, we find, our fridge is fucked! Looking on repair websites I have found the “technical” term for what is wrong with the fridge is that it is “not cooling”. Since the fridge, in my humble opinion, has only one job and that job is to cool shit down and keep it cold the fact that it isn’t “cooling” is thereby the definition of fucked!

3. Drivers. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this. (and yet here I go) There is roughly 1% of the driving population who don’t piss me off. There is another 1% that actually cause me to remark on how good and capable they are of piloting their vehicle and that’s it. The other 98% piss me off. Always. It is impossible for me to make a trip anywhere, where I am driving, and not get pissed off by some “spectacular fuckwhit”! Even just pulling out of my driveway and repositioning to park on my street will cause me to encounter one of those 98%.

4. Responsible people in their 20’s. Who ARE these people? In my 20’s I was running up debt, drinking, and working a shitty job while I got my degree. These assholes are buying houses and renting them out to their roommates giving them home equity by 25! They have things like RRSP’s and SAVINGS! (I’m not sure what that second one is but people tell me its like a Visa you don’t have to pay back). I am tired of getting financial advice from some baby just out of high school whose parents have put money in an education fund for them so they don’t have to take a student loan. Me and my debt don’t need to feel even worse about our situation by some young shit who’s “got it all together”

5. People used to getting their way regardless of the affect on others. I can describe what I mean by this best with an analogy. I tell my husband when we are rich I’m going to scream for Mu Shu Pork. MU SHU PORK!! I’ll yell! I will rant and rave that I want to have Mu Shu Pork and I want it now! Whats that? You’re busy detailing my car, doing my laundry and balancing my chequebook all at the same time? I don’t care! You stop all that (but still somehow manage to get all those things done at one time) and you get me Mu Shu Pork!!! Then, when someone finally presents me with moist and juicy Mu Shu Pork I will say, “What is that? Oh, right, well, just put it over there, I’m not really that hungry”. You’ve met these people, they want you to fix their problem and they think you should be able to do it in 5 seconds flat. Oh, and you should be happy they have thought to make you do this for them, what else would you be doing with your poor little life any way?


***Disclaimer*** I have no idea what Mu Shu Pork is, what it tastes like, if its even a food, and if it is if I have spelled it correctly.

5 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:17 AM

    I believe that mu shu pork should be a pop culture saying, like "Jump the shark"...ie: That s.o.b. totally mu shu'd me at work today! or, don't mu shu my tv show just because you wanna see if anything else is on...etc!

    ReplyDelete
  2. *Stands up ...taps mike*
    "With Ice Sculptures!!!"

    * looks at fridge* Yes your fridge is fucked- that will be $150.00 please...

    You know my thought on 4 and 3...check and check!!

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  3. Anonymous9:20 PM

    Wow.

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  4. I KNOW, right ... WTF is wrong with GE where the dishwashers are concerned???

    Mine cost me a small fortune ... and IT SUCKS!!!

    You very funny, muther fucker ... I like yer blog.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Look Honey! OTHER people think I'm funny!!

    ReplyDelete