Friday, March 04, 2011


Last night I geared up and drove over to my 24hour Gym.

On the Door was this sign:
Dear Snap Fitness Members:
Due to the Fire Next Door the Gym is Closed
We appreciate your patience as we restore our Fitness Centre to Working Conditions


Fuck you James.  

I was stunned, you truly are an evil genius, but I was not foiled. There are exactly TWO Snap locations in this city and, my lovely membership entitles me to use either one.... which is exactly what I, and the rest of the population of my city, did last night. 

Good try... Good try. 

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Never Underestimate Your Opponent

Rule #1- Never Underestimate Your Opponent - they can, and often will, surprise you.

I was cocky and un-prepared.

Big Girl Panties and a can do attitude was not enough.

When I called him out James pulled out the big guns.

James, you see, fights dirty.

To get to the James has always been an issue for me. Apparently, an hour at The James is much longer than an hour on the couch. So there has always been a list of things I would not be able to get done if I was at The James.

I had, however, overcome this hurdle early on. My issues, as you may recall, were occurring while I was physically AT the James.

It never even occurred to me that I’d be foiled at  getting TO the James again! I had mastered that task, climbed that hill, conquered that particular problem…so I thought.

Fucker threw me a curve ball in the form of a 9 year old boy.

Oooh, but he’s cute and he’s small and he NEEDS me! He can hardly read and he’s been abandoned by the people that are supposed to love him and here he is needing a home and a family, and here we are with a home and love in our hearts and no child to shower it on.

A match made in heaven?

Or a secret plot carried out to perfection by “The James”?

Well James, I bow to your evil genius. I have earned a healthy respect, I have eaten my words… but don’t count me out.

No Sir, the time sucker “aka 9 year old boy” has started to fit into our fold. I think last week I had exactly 1 non child-centric hour an evening…

I have regrouped, and have learned… I am chastened but I am not a quitter…

Ding Ding … Round 2 James… I’m coming for you!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Screw You James!!!

That’s right, you heard me!

You’re not gonna beat me this time buddy!

No! I will not fall off the treadmill when it randomly decides to crank the speed up to 12 miles an hour.
**note- when forced, by the threat of treadmill burn and extreme embarrassment, it is possible for me to make my fat ass run at 12 miles an hour for one full minute-and not a millisecond longer**

No! I will not succumb to the Arc machine raising the incline and increasing the intensity, fuck you I am fat, not blind! I will change that shit back!
**Note, it is possible to think "how out of shape am I that I can’t do this exercise ot an intensity of 5 with no incline” for a full 5 minutes before realizing the devil machine has ratcheted you up to a level 20 with an incline of 15**

NO! I will not accept the ridiculous notion that since visiting you I have gained 2 whole pounds- this is an evil pack my scale has clearly made with the devil… shame on you scale, remember the good old days when we were friends? You better remember whose house you live in or you’ll be out the door I tell ya!
**note, no matter how tough you are, or how hard you work, the scale can still make you cry**

Lets see what you’ve got left in your little bag of tricks James… I have my big girl panties on and I will make you my bitch…