Saturday, February 17, 2007

Remote Start Don't

When the man at the remote start install place tells you that when your car starts, and stops with the remote, it will unlock, and then re-lock your doors. Take this as a warning.

Do not start your car with it, then let it run while you scrape off snow, then get in put the key in the ignition, and then go back in the house for your cell phone.

Because the remote timer will run out.

The car will shut off.

The doors will lock.

Then your keys will be locked in your car hanging from your ignition. And since they are in the ignition, the fancy little unlock/lock fob that came with the car, will not work. IT has a safety feature that disables it when the keys are in the ignition.


At the very least disable the lock button but not the UNLOCK!!

I mean really, there are manual ways for me to lock my doors when the key is in the ignition, you'd think the safety feature would be that you will always be able to unlock them with the little fob!

This has not been a fun week.

Friday, February 09, 2007

The Good Samaritan

On my way
to work today
a truck was stopped
and in my way

I stopped to help
the fellow out
He was stuck
without a doubt

Wheels spinning
he rocked his truck
Back and forth
without any luck

Across the ice
I made my way
To push his truck
and get on with my day

I push and push
without progress
it seems he's in
quite a mess

Surely he has a phone
but I offer mine
Call a tow truck he says
and he'll be fine

I call my husband instead
This guy is stuck
and he's not right in the head

Help arrives
with a man and a truck
Without a rope he says
your out of luck

His 4x4
plows away through the snow
I think of the places
I wish i could go

To work for one
to be on time
This guy is costing me
more than a dime!

My Husband arrives
to save the day
Hooray finally
I will be on my way

Like the man before
he has no hope
The stuck man says
But I have a rope!

I can't believe he has a rope
I think
why didn't he say that earlier
the dink!

No place to hook it
My husband looks
Oh yes says stuck man
I have tow hooks

I'm stuck all the time
he says with a smile
By now we've been there
for quite a while

We tow him out
And to our chagrin
he drives ahead
and gets stuck again

It can't be done
he says with a pout
My husband gets in
and drives the stuck truck out.

Late for work
and frozen to the core
I think to myself-
What on earth did I stop for?

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Tune Up

So I go to the "Make a Baby" doctor today.

I tell him, I was late -

Being late of course caused me to help further build the pregnancy test empire. Some one, some where, is getting very rich off of me.

They could charge a nickle a test and they would still be making a killing off of me. "it said no... I've never had one be wrong before EVER... but maybe, just maybe this one is wrong... I should test again...Hmmm another no...maybe I didn't wait long enough I should test again...hmmm still no, maybe this test isn't sensitive enough I should test again... hmmm still no, wonder what that means...?"

Know what it means? It means you're just late because your body has a very sick and twisted sense of humor and is somehow getting a kickback from the pregnancy test industry!

Another possibility is that my uterus and my liver are working together. Maybe my liver wants a weekend off so it is paying off my uterus to mess up my cycle.

But I digress, I was late...

Hmm says the doc... lets see:







Excuse me doc? did you do your training at Superlube by chance?

Oil Filter?


Transmission Fluid?


Oil Cap?


SO he asks if I'm getting really worried.

No. We aren't panicking, I just want to stop flushing money down the toilet so to speak.

You have Irregular cycles.

Really? You don't say, how many years of medical school was that again?

So.. You produce less eggs than other women, giving you less chances a year to get pregnant.

Uhm, are you trying to get me worried?

Do nothing he says.

Nothing? Really?

This is what will get me results... Nothing?

Are you sure? 'Cause I can think of a step that might actually be quite crucial...

Just, relax and don't worry about it, don't think about it, just pretend like you are not trying to have a baby.


I don't think the Pregnancy Test Tycoons are going to like that!