Monday, October 18, 2010

Screw You James!!!

That’s right, you heard me!

You’re not gonna beat me this time buddy!

No! I will not fall off the treadmill when it randomly decides to crank the speed up to 12 miles an hour.
**note- when forced, by the threat of treadmill burn and extreme embarrassment, it is possible for me to make my fat ass run at 12 miles an hour for one full minute-and not a millisecond longer**

No! I will not succumb to the Arc machine raising the incline and increasing the intensity, fuck you I am fat, not blind! I will change that shit back!
**Note, it is possible to think "how out of shape am I that I can’t do this exercise ot an intensity of 5 with no incline” for a full 5 minutes before realizing the devil machine has ratcheted you up to a level 20 with an incline of 15**

NO! I will not accept the ridiculous notion that since visiting you I have gained 2 whole pounds- this is an evil pack my scale has clearly made with the devil… shame on you scale, remember the good old days when we were friends? You better remember whose house you live in or you’ll be out the door I tell ya!
**note, no matter how tough you are, or how hard you work, the scale can still make you cry**

Lets see what you’ve got left in your little bag of tricks James… I have my big girl panties on and I will make you my bitch…


  1. I think you could write a sit com called Screw You, James and it would make you wealthy.

    This is some funny shit right here.

  2. psst.. maybe he's pissed at you because you call him by his middle name?

  3. I find arson to be a viable option in many, many cases...

  4. I LOVE the monkey in the closet!!!!!!

    Thank you for coming by!!!!! I look forward to reading your stories of 'The James'... :o)


  5. Anonymous10:07 PM

    Big Girl Panties don't work when you are dealing with slime KW!

  6. ummm...I think you might just be my new best friend.....bahaaaahaaaaa this shit is funny!

  7. "Gime? Oh, right, the Gime..." -H. Simpson