Excuse me, Has any one seen my Christmas spirit? Its Vodka shaped with some Ice?

Bahumbuggery is not for me.

I like Christmas.
I like the lights, I like the music, I like the presents,
I like the food.
I like the Santas, I like the reindeer,
I like the baby Jesus and his brood,
I like being with the family, I like the fires, I like the snow,
I like the jingling in the mall,
I like the mistletoe.
I like the holiday season where you’re all warm and happy and plump!
But if I like all of it so much, why am I such a grump?

For reals. I’ve got a stress monkey on my back trying to force myself to get everything in my life in perfect order before Christmas so I can enjoy the holidays.

What?

You heard me, I’m stressing myself out, over making sure I get things done so that I can relax and enjoy myself.

Yes yes, I’m retarded.

Go here, get this, spend that, pick up this, send that, wrap this, clean that, decorate this, bake that.

Its ridiculous, its stressful and its starting to show.

I’ve been snapping at the husband.

I’m not talking I just washed the floor and he walked across it in muddy boots kind of justifiable snapping.

No no. Full on Crazy wife kind of shit.

Crazy Wife: Why is this heater plugged in, in the garage?

Husband: because its 40 below and you were worried about the dogs freezing so I put an extra heater in there so we wouldn’t have to leave them in the house to wreck your decorations.

CW: That heater sucks the power like no bodys business, the only thing that it is accomplishing is to flush our money down the toilet! Why would you do something like that when we are trying to save money??!!!

Okay, maybe not exactly those words,(probably many more than those) but I was in another state so I don’t remember exactly what I said about his nice idea to warm the garage thus quelling my fears for our dogs and our decorations all in one fell swoop. I do know whatever I said was ridiculous especially since the conversation took place with me back lit by the roughly 400 Christmas lights I have strewn around the main floor.

That single heater must be unplugged, but these Christmas lights will twinkle Dammit!

Today it was the milk.

There wasn’t enough left for two bowls of cereal, so instead I decided we could each share what was left, and eat toast or a bagel or waffle or something.

You’ll note I said I decided this, not I discussed this with the husband.

So I made a bagel. The husband came into the kitchen, saw the milk situation, saw me eating the bagel, and figured he was good to go to have cereal with the last of the milk, you know, since I was already eating and all.

CW: “I was going to HAVE some of that!!!!”

H: Sighs audibly, puts the Milk back in the fridge, makes a clearly grumpy why the hell do you want to drink the milk I’m trying to use to eat breakfast facial expression and says “Fine, Have some”

CW: well not if you’re going to be all GROUCHY about it!! I was just trying to have us share the milk you know!!!

Oh, you think maybe I’m joking a little bit? Nope, nuhuhn, I think maybe he’s only speaking to me right now because I’ll lose my mind and yell about him not speaking to me if he stops!

I’m actually starting to think if I don’t find my happy place soon my grumpy place isn’t going to have a husband in it to yell at!

So tonight I will buy milk, and a bottle of wine.
I will relax with my husband and stare at my lights and pet my warm dogs and take a deep relaxing breath.

Then tomorrow I will lose my mind all over again before my Parents arrive… on Saturday?

What?? I thought they weren’t coming till Sunday!??

Maybe I’ll skip the Milk and buy two bottles of wine.