Thursday, December 10, 2009

You've GOT to be Shitting me!

I haven't been on here to blog in 5 whole days? Where did 5 days go and why isn't it the weekend yet?

So many fantastical things to write about occurred over 5 days! I should write about those things!!

But I won’t.

Instead I will write about the thing that is most present on my mind at this exact moment. That is that I am currently covered in coffee.

I’m not talking a little spill on my pants, or a drip on my shirt. No, no. Head to toe people… Head to Fucking Toe.

So, as I previously mentioned, I am notoriously late for work. SO often in fact that it is a running joke with, well let’s be real here, almost everyone I know. So, I am trying to get up earlier because recently it has gotten worse. I have consistently been between 15 to 30 minutes late for work every morning for the last two weeks,  (okay month an a half). Recently I’ve been thinking, I gotta make a change here, I mean, I used to make it on time at least twice a week! So last night I set my alarm a half hour early, and on top of that the husband has to get up earlier this morning. I DID IT!  I got up early, and was out of the house in time to get coffee AND be 30 minutes EARLY for work.


Soooooooo drive through chick hands me a steaming cup of coffee which I pull into the vehicle where the lid on the cup promptly POPS THE FUCK OFF. This ruins the structural integrity of the cup, thereby causing my hand to squeeze the cup together, causing a liquid surge upwards…and outwards. Imagine if you will, a fountain of coffee between me and my steering wheel.  It probably would have been quite pretty, and damn funny had I instead been standing outside the vehicle, at say, the drive through window.  To her credit the chick did not laugh. While, because it happened to me I was nine kinds of mad, I can't say in her position that I would have been able to hold in belly rolls of laughter. 

There is now coffee: On the Steering wheel; on the floor; on the passenger seat; on the gear shift; IN the gearshift; in a pool in the cup holders; on the floor mats; on the dash; in my hair; all over the front of my coat; up my coat sleeve to a borrowed white shirt, (psst- you didn’t want this one back did you?); all over my right leg; on my shoes; even on my socks. I haven’t been to the bathroom to check my underwear yet but I wouldn’t be shocked to find coffee.

Wait a minute you say, you are coffee drenched and still went to work?


You think I’m going to let coffee stop me from getting to work EARLY???

NUH-UN people! I was NOT going home to change only to end up at work just as late as ever!!!

So here I am, coffee drenched clothes slowly drying, sipping my replacement coffee, writing this blog as I wait for my work to process (had throw that in there, my accountant thinks I’m slacking) while I repeat a mantra to myself, thedaywillgetbetterthedaywillgetbetterthedaywillgetbetter. 

I think I am doing quite well, taking the high road, picking myself up, dusting off the coffee and saying, screw you ON TIME!  You're not gonna get me down!  A coffee explosion will not force my head back under the covers.  I will continue to try and beat you, I will continue to try to be on time or early... Even if I have to wear coffee to do so!


  1. Sounds like a helluva way to start a Thursday ... can only get better from here.

  2. Sounds like you should have worn the brown shirt instead of the white one !
    And really you only have yourself to blame- you threw off your internal time zone. Best to be late :) *snort*

  3. Huh. MacDonalds, I'm guessing? Because their lids FUCKING SUCK. Timmie's, not much better. But it still sucks. Oh, and the whole not having a coffee thing in the morning when you're already bitchy. Kind of a catch 22, right there.

  4. Better to stay in bed...drinking whiskey, and shooting at the television set, I say!

  5. D- Well the day did get better, nothing like venting to the public to get on with your day!

    AA- (I love that abbreviation by the way) The Brown shirt didn't go with your Green Chords...he he... Chords hide coffee well you'll be happy to know!!

    X- Mcdicks, yep. I was bitchy enough after the incident though that the chick didn't question me when I demanded my replacement coffee...

    Dag- What the hell was I thinking!? I should have just called in Drunk!

  6. Anonymous9:12 AM

    I'm impressed you're concerned about what your accountant thinks! Keep it up!